You are With Me Still August 1, 2011

After remembering my username and resetting my password, I have made my way back into my blog after many years. As displayed in below posts, I have quite a few saved blog posts that never made it to the front page. So I decided to dig through and see if there was anything I thought worthy of being displayed to the public.

To share briefly what has been going on with me, I have been living with Ryan & Janet Price for a little over a year now, and I love it!  I have an amazing boyfriend, Rob, who I met at the Apple store where I have been working as a manager for almost a year. On the surface, everything has been great! God really has blessed me in so many ways and I really should have nothing to complain about. However, I have been going through a very challenging time.

As backwards as this sounds, everything has been so great (on the surface) that I have found myself in the worst place I have ever been spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I have taken for granted the amazing things that God has blessed me with, and used them as an excuse to ‘check out’ and really just coast along. I have not challenged myself spiritually and my heart has really grown hard towards the things of God. I can see so clearly right now how this has negatively effected many relationships in my life. I have been struggling with anxiety, doubt, and indifference in almost every area of my life.

All that said, I know God is still with me. He is holding true to the promises in His word and I do believe that he is drawing me back to him in a big way. God is making it very clear to me that I have many gifts that I am not putting into practice, and I need to step out of my comfort zone and be bold.

God has put some amazing people in my life at this time, who I know are there by His plan to shake me out of this place. But I can’t be fooled. I don’t want to come to rely on people and then blame them, or the church that I am not growing. My growth is completely dependent on God and my faith in Him.

I have been visiting The Gallery Church in Baltimore for the past couple weeks. I love their values and emphasis on community. Below is a worship song that was played at The Gallery yesterday, and I felt that the words were so on point with what I have been going through, so I wanted to share 🙂

A Couple Songs…

Yet another post saved as a draft and never posted. This was originally put together on 7/29/2008 @ 10:56am

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Every so often I will post lyrics from songs that have impacted me recently in one way or another. I will let the lyrics do the explaining, so here are two songs that have encouraged me in various ways over the past month or so.

Mercy Me- God With Us

Who are we
That you would be mindful of us
What do you see
That’s worth looking our way
We are free
In ways that we never should be
Sweet release
From the grip of these chains
Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing

All that is within me cries
For you alone be glorified
Emmanuel
God with us
My heart sings a brand new song
The debt is paid these chains are gone
Emmanuel
God with us

Lord you know
Our hearts don’t deserve your glory
Still you show
A love we cannot afford
Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing

Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary
Nevertheless we lay it at your feet

Hillsong United – From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Time…

The following post was written 12/21/07 @2:01am. Saved as a draft and failed to post until now. Oops!

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Last year.

2 years ago.

3 years ago.

For various reasons New Years Eve has not been such a fun experience for me over the recent years.  Which is why part of me is really dreading the events of this evening to come. I don’t particularly like holidays, and this one is no exception.

Regardless of this negative attitude toward this particular holiday, it is always interesting to take a look back and see where I was this time last year, the year before, and so on. I have experienced many joys that I wished would never end, and sorrows that felt like they would never end. Two years ago at this time I was disappointed. This time last year I was sad and frustrated, but also very happy. This year I just don’t know. I am neither sad nor happy. I am at some sort of in between, and I don’t like it. But this year will quickly pass, and I can only pray and hope that New Years Eve this coming year will be one to remember for its joys, not its sorrows.

I know I probably sound like I am being some sort of grouch, which I probably am, but I assure you that I am writing not to complain, but to share a little but about what God is teaching me through all of this.

This time of year, many suppressed emotions, memories, etc., decide to resurface, and  I really hate it.

Though I am strongly disliking this time I am going through, I am noticing that God is using this time to remind me there is not one need that I have ever had that he has not met. In fact, he has satisfied my greatest need of all by the gift of his Son. So why do I worry? Why do I stress out? Why do I get frustrated?

Clearly I am not seeking the Lord and remembering what was done for me on the cross. I am also not remembering the many blessings he pours out to me daily. I am so selfish! The Lord has clearly carried me through some tough times,  and just as it has done in the past, new years eve will quickly pass and life will move on. I just pray that I learn to run hard after him and always remember the greatest gift of all – the gift of His Son.

Ummm…so where have I been?? January 20, 2010

That is a great question. I don’t know if I fully know the answer to that question. This past year (or more) has really gone by so fast. So much has changed… but yet so much has really just stayed the same. For the sake of getting used to blogging again, I am going to bullet point some things that have gone on with me over this past year.

• I was promoted to store manager (Feb ’09)
• Paid off my car (Feb ’09)
• Went to Cancun, Mexico with Bridgeway Community Church on a mission trip  (April ’09) This was my 10th trip there, and it was awesome!
• Went to Disney World with my family (Aug ’09)
• I was promoted to general manager (Sept ’09)
• I moved into my first apartment with my best friend (Nov. ’09)
• Paid off my credit card debt (Nov. ’09) -Yayy!!

So I really wouldn’t say this past year has been super exciting and full of adventure, a lot of time spent has been working. Here are some upcoming things that I hope for in the year 2010:

• Going to China to visit Christina! (Jan. ’10)
• Going to Texas to see my brother, Matt, graduate boot camp (Feb. ’10)
• Hopefully going to Mexico again at one point this year… I can’t get enough of that place 🙂
• Planning a trip to Europe with my roomie.
• Continue to decorate and make my new apartment home
• Making plans to start grad school and get my teaching certification. It’s time to start utilizing my degree
• Blogging more. And not just for the heck of it, but for the reason I started this blog in the first place. If you wonder why that is, go back to my earlier posts and find out 🙂

Error on my diploma??? July 23, 2008

So upon returning from the trip in Mexico, I was very exciting to see that my long awaited diploma had arrived in the mail. I carefully opened it up to check it out, and immediately noticed that something was wrong. Very wrong. This is what it looked like:

Mary Elizabeth Noble

is hereby granted the degree of

Bachelor of Science

Health Science

Cum Laude

Cum Laude??????? Are you crazy!! There is no way I graduated with Latin honors…no way. I was pretty frustrated with this mistake because it was such a tease! It was like someone was playing a mean joke or something to make me go through the process of calling up Towson and having them reissue me a diploma minus the Latin honors.

So that’s just what I did, this morning I called Towson right up and told them they made a mistake and they needed to fix it. The man on the phone was really helpful and looked into the situation for me. After being on hold for who knows how long, he gets back on the phone and informs me by congratulating me that I did, in fact, graduate with Latin honors. Apparently they only look at your last 60 credits in calculating determining whether or not you earn any type of Latin honors – I had no idea!!! Anyway, that’s the end of the story. I thought there was a mistake, and there wasn’t, so I am happy 🙂

Home Sweet Home

I wrote this on the plane ride back from a week long mission trip in Mexico. I am just now taking the time to type this in. So the date of this post is actually 7/21/08.

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Right now I am on the plane on my way back from Cancun. My journey home is finally coming close to an end as I just completed a five hour layover in Fort Lauderdale. Though I was slightly disappointed to have experienced this travel process alone, I think it was a good thing because I was really able to process and think through what happened over this past week.

For those who know me pretty well, the following statement will come as no surprise. I don’t like change. I know many people would say the same about themselves, but I initially tend to react very negatively toward any type of change in my life. For example, the day before I left for this mission trip, I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. Though I knew that this was something the Lord wanted me to do, I was having a hard time putting that into perspective and I was dreading getting on that plane to Cancun. Though I was having a hard time leaving for this trip, the second I got on that plane all my worries washed away and I was reminded of why I was going to Mexico in the first place. This is how it always seems to go…I get really anxious and worried about something, and then all of those feelings go away once I actually begin what I was dreading to begin.

Just as I fear the onset of any type of change in my life, I also highly dislike when certain things come to a close. The end of a semester, or even the end of a mission trip would be good examples of this. The transition home and back to ‘normal’ life is what really gets to me. With respect to mission trips, in the past I would tend to come off of a trip with some type of spiritual high and then enter some sort of depression when I realized that life was not going to continue on the same way as it was the week prior. The teaching, the worship, the prayer, devotions, the fellowship, serving, and ministry – these are all the aspects of the Christian life compacted into one crazy-busy week of marveling at God’s saving grace and power.

But I have to say, though this is how I have reacted in the past towards ending these types of trips, this transition home was not the same. I realized (and I really wish it wouldn’t have had to take me this long to realize this) that the ministry, prayer, devotions, worship, fellowship, serving, etc., do not have to end with a mission trip. This is the life that God has called us to live as followers of Christ. This is what we do to grow closer to God and become more like Christ. These are the things that don’t come naturally – and on a mission trip it is something that is natural in that context. At home, work, school, etc., these are things that we have to be very intentional with. As members of the body of Christ we need to actively be seeking to worship and pray both individually and corporately. We need to seek fellowship, opportunities to serve, and opportunities to minister and share the gospel with others. It was so exciting for me to realize that these things don’t have to end now that I am home.

Now it’s not that I don’t do these things at home, it’s just that there hasn’t been the same sense of urgency for these things at home as there should be. I have been freshly reminded of this through this trip, and that has allowed for this transition home to be very smooth as I am now patiently anticipating what the Lord is going to do in and through my life next!!

This is getting too long, so I will stop here. More to come…sorry for those of you who have been waiting since December!!

Finally! December 26, 2007

So in addition to the excitement of receiving my very first sewing machine, I am thrilled to have been given my very own copy of Charles Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotional. I have been wanting it for months, and now I finally have it in my hands!

The Salvation Message… December 22, 2007

This video is a recording of a drama performed at a Lifehouse concert to one of my favorite songs by them called Everything. It brought me to tears.

Snowed In. December 19, 2007

12/16/07

I have been in the state of Vermont for the past few days celebrating my grandma’s birthday. Despite the fact that I am missing the Christmas production that my church is having as we speak, this has been the best possible way I could end the semester. I have been able to relax and enjoy the company my mom and my other relatives. Unfortunately, my dad and my brothers and at home and not able to join in the fun up here.

Right now, there is a huge winter storm, which prevented us from going to church this morning. So instead of church, many of us are taking time this morning to fellowship with each other and/or read various types of books. I have chosen this weekend to read a book that my cousin, Mark, suggested I read. This book, titled The New Man, was written by Thomas Merton. I have never heard of this author, and I wasn’t really sure whether or not the beliefs conveyed throughout this book were ones that I was in full agreement with. But, regardless, I decided to pick it up and give it a try.

Almost immediately upon picking up this book, many truths of the nature of God were greatly impressed upon me and I was convinced that this book was worth reading. Though I am still unsure whether or not I agree with everything in this book, I am still going to read the whole thing in hopes that God allows me to recognize things that may not be truth and hold fast to the things that are.

Some quotes from this book that I found to be worth considering:

“The Christian hope that is “not seen” is a communion in the agony of Christ. It is the identification of our own agonia with the agonia of the God who has emptied Himself and become obedient unto death. It is the acceptance of life in the midst of death, not because we have courage, or light, or wisdom to accept, but because by some miracle the God of Life Himself accepts to live, in us, at the very moment we descend into death.”

“To the full meaning of our existence we must find not the meaning that we expect, but the meaning that is revealed to us by God. The meaning that comes to us out of the transcendent darkness of His mystery and our own.”

“True life, in other words, is not vegetative subsistence in one’s own self, nor animal self-assertion and self-gratification. It is freedom transcending the self and subsisting in “the other” by love. It is entirely received from God. It is a freedom which “loses its life in order to find it,” instead of saving its own life and thereby losing it.”

December 8, 2007

I don’t know if I have ever had such a crazy mix of emotions before. I am overjoyed, sad, frustrated, tired, mad, happy, confused, and angry at the same time. I hate it when people dissapoint me. Or really do things that are uncalled for and just plain messed up. I have had a couple sitations in my life recently where I just cannot understand how people do and/or say things to me (or in some cases other people.) This is especially messed up when it occurs within your very own church body…your brothers and sisters in Christ.

 I am so blessed to be a part of a church family that encourages people within the church to live lives according to the Word of God. However, I feel like recently certain aspects of what we have been taught have been taken to such an extreme that they are hurting other people. I am really hurt right now in a lot of ways…and I cannot believe that people continue to do these things when  have already expressed how hurt that I am. I am so frustrated….and I have had it.

 I don’t know what God is going to have me do right now…but something has got to change. I need to express what is going on with other people…..but I really feel that often times people don’t take me seriously. I just don’t know what to do….